4.30.2008

Brightening up your already bright Wednesday

Baxter singing Ben Kweller's "Falling"


video

I was in a bad place when I last wrote... and as usual, my silence over the past couple weeks indicates that I'm doing ok.

Lonia was here for a few days - from last Thursday night until Sunday. I was nervous about her meeting PJ - but it was fantastic. She had a lovely time with Baxter - enjoyed meeting PJ and welcomed him with open arms. She'll be back in June and again in late July for more visits - and that makes me happy.

Being with her is always so nice and sad at the same time. I get gripped momentarily when I look at her and think that Mike's not here anymore. It's just a profound feeling - of sadness and grief - and appreciation for having her to connect me to him.

And you know what? My dear friend Michelle was right: I underestimate Lonia. Lonia is a strong woman who is open minded and open hearted. She is not resentful or sad that I am moving forward with PJ. She is not angry that Baxter has a father-figure in his life who is not Michael. She told me explicitly on this visit that she believes we can love more than one person. She said she knows I was - and continue to be - in love with Mike and she watched as I cared for him throughout his illness. She knows I wanted more than anything for him to get well and spend his life with me. But that didn't happen. So, given the hand I was dealt, moving forward is the right thing - for me and for Baxter.

I feel lucky that she feels this way.

I feel lucky to have PJ in my life.

I feel lucky to have such a cute and funny lil' kid singing to me from the back seat.

PS: The Tree is ok! The leave are growing back. Heide was right: it's a late bloomer!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

So very glad to hear the tree is doing well and so are you and Bax. Have a great Spring!
Luv

Felicity said...

You are a champion!

DiZzLePoP said...

Baxter is great. Enjoy your happiness!