Another milestone

I took off my engagement ring two days ago. Right after Mike died, I kept it on my left finger for a few months, and was also wearing his wedding band on that hand, too. In the fall I took off his wedding band and moved my engagement ring. I have been wearing it on my right ring finger since the winter. I still wear my wedding band - now as a pinky ring.

I think that I have felt that it's a little weird to be dating with an engagement ring on. Colin was like, "Um... you might want to ditch the ring." and I said, "But --- it's on the wrong finger!" Yeah, guys have no idea which hand is which.

Plus, whenever I see it or feel it, I feel married to Mike. Which has been comforting for so long... but I'm ready to feel like I'm not married to him all the time. I can love him and talk to him and tell stories about him, but not be actively married to him in my day-to-day.

The thing is, getting the EFFing ring off was such a drama. I have put on some weight in the last 2 years. Fortunately, I've started to curb that effect over the past 2 months, but damn - my fingers are still puffy. I used Windex and struggled for literally 5 minutes spinning the freaking ring around and pulling and squishing. I thought I might like break my finger or pop a vessel or something. My finger was red and damaged for like 24 hours afterwards.

But I got it off.

Perhaps Mike was trying to make it a challenge just to be ... you know... a pain in the ass. Funny, Mike. Funny.

I don't know if this post is sad or somewhat uplifting and forward-thinking. I'll let you decide.

I have a great weekend planned: Seeing Rufus Wainwright at the Mann Center tonight, rehearsing my musical number for the WCL show with Pat and Peg on Saturday, and toasting the resignation of Karl Rove from the Bush administration with friends on Sunday. Good times.

PS: I realized that I forgot to post this beautiful photo of Mike's blooming tree last month! Susan took this pick on July 17th while I was in NH. It's still blooming now and looks amazing.


Anonymous said...

How about redesigning the engagement ring into another piece of jewelry? (I can help you with that if you want)

OR put it in a special box to give to Baxter when he's an adult.


Dannagal said...

Cool ideas, Marianne. I love the ring. It's so simple and elegant. I thought of wearing it on a necklace - but i remember watching that sex and the city episode where Aidan calls Carrie on the fact that she doesn't wear the ring he gave her on her finger, but on a chain around her neck - hidden. Mike and I had a good laugh about that - so I don't think I can do that and still take myself seriously.

Perhaps saving it for baxter is best. The diamond itself came from the engagement ring of my mother's mother, Deborah Healy. It was her engagement ring from my Grandpa Duffy... so keeping it in the fam would be nice.

Anonymous said...

Or give it to me.

I remember when your wedding bands were hanging over the basket at your ceremony so that your guests could "bless" them and thinking "hmmm, it's so pretty I could just untie it, and..." Okay, I didn't REALLY think that. All right, I DID, but it wasn't my fault you had them just dangling there practically begging to be stolen!


Dannagal said...

Heather. SHAME-less! Mike would be proud!

love you, d

Susan said...

THAT was awesome.
After all... it is a beauty. Heather... we can share it if you're up for that...

I like the idea of saving it for Bax. Maybe he'll be a poor, struggling actor/musician/artist/politician/professor (you get the pic) who falls madly, madly in love (with someone you adore, of course) and could use something beautiful to propose... lovely thought.

Soosahn (formerly CSM - as I suppose I am not nearly as crazy as I used to be)

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