Happy Anniversary, Smoosher

June 14, 2003. It was such a beautiful day. After like 6 weeks of rain, suddenly the clouds parted. It was so lush and green. I cried through my vows. I asked if anyone had a tissue. Mike pulled one right out of his suit pocket.

Our first dance of the morning was Norah Jones "Don't know Why." We held each other so tightly. It was more like a long long hug than a dance.

We did our cute and charming Karen Getzola dance to Martin Sexton's Diggin Me (
Go here to track #14) and our friends smiled and laughed at our childlike play.

We were so so very happy. I feel so lucky to have had that day.

Here are some additional photos from some of Mike's absolute favorite times.

Cooking pancakes with tomtom while camping in summer 2002.

Summer at the Vineyard with the family.

Andre and Marianne's wedding.

I miss you so much, Michael.

I'm doing ok. I think you would be so proud of us. But sometimes I feel such a deep longing to be with you... that I wonder if I'll make it. I know that I will.. but sometimes it just feels like this can't be real. You can't be gone... right?

But it is real. This is our story, smoosher. And it keeps going. Your boy is so amazing. He's in a big boy bed now, Mike. Can you believe it? He makes jokes and acts sassy and has a sparkle in his eye. He looks so much like you. God... would you love spending time with him. You would love it. His giggle makes me feel so much joy. I hate that he can't be with you. I hate it.

He asked the other day if I could go to the moon and you could come home. I laughed as I imagined you mocking and joking with me about how our boy was ready to "off" me to get you back here. I had to explain to him, once again, that you're not away on a trip. You're not going to come home. You're up there for good.

But, as bad as I feel... I think about last year's wedding anniversary and how heartbreaking it was to sit across from you sitting in that wheelchair at Magee rehab hospital while Jim and Mary pretended to wait on us while we ate our special take-out from Le Bec Fin. You couldn't see the food on your plate, didn't know it was our anniversary, were slumped so far in your chair, you would drift off, didn't speak much, eyes would fall shut.

That was not a life suitable for such an amazing, bright, talented, warm, joyful and energetic man. It killed us to see you there like that, knowing how the "real" you would have been so angry that this is where you found yourself. I couldn't bear to think of how Mike Young would have thought about that entire time period. The man who is so self-sufficient and hates being sick and hates pity, and who - above all - wants respect and dignity - and to be a source of strength and joy for others... would have found that entire time so dreadful.

I feel such a sense of peace knowing that you're not in that terrible place, mike. That you're liberated from that body that had you so trapped. But I miss you more than you will ever ever know. We all do. The world isn't quite right without you here.

We're finding our way, smoosher. We'll be ok... but it's just not quite right.

I love you, smoosher.

Playing with his boy. His beautiful boy.


Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary! Don't ever stop dancing. No matter what. Don't ever stop hugging or laughing or remembering. This is a good-memory day. Hold it tight and dance, dance, dance!

Love you, Michelle xoxoxoxoxoxox

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I lack for words in a good way...

Love to all of you, Danna,


beth said...

Your wedding day was so wonderful, and I felt so privileged to be a part of it. I remember hugging you the night before when it looked like it was going to rain all the next day and telling you it was all going to be ok! :)

And it was - what a gorgeous afternoon.

Much love,


PS - My parents are going to be in town tomorrow and we're going to walk up to John's with Matthew and get a WATER ICE - do you want to steal Bax from daycare and come with???? It's a lot better than some schmancy sorbet....call me on the cell!

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and Mike today...

Remember the joys of the past and then let Baxter bring you back into the present moment with his giggles and lively antics. Yes, Mike would love to see it all, and I believe he does. He's watching over you and you're doing great, Sweetie. The future will be filled with more dancing, hugs and laughter, and Mike will be grinning at it all.

We love you, Mike and Baxter sooo much. Happy Anniversary...
With love and heartfelt prayers,
Jae & family xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Hey - That's a crepe myrtle in the background of the picture of Mike with Bax on his back too. I think that is the Delaware beach house, right?

Your wedding was gorgeous...still my favorite wedding of all time, just so much fun.


Dannagal said...

Holy crap, Heather. You're right.


isn't it?

hugs, danna

Anonymous said...

You continue to keep my little spark, that believes in miracles, alive.
Thinking about you and Baxter (I'm so happy to watch him grow through the pix that you post, he is gorgeous!)