People have been emailing and calling seeing how I’m doing, so I thought I’d give a bit of an update. In short, I’m doing really well. I feel like I’m moving forward and it’s getting easier day-to-day.
It is unfortunate that some of my new growth has occurred through a tragedy close to home. Yesterday, one of our friends (who Mike worked with for years) lost his wife from complications from pneumonia. He sat by her side in the hospital for three weeks. She was in her early-thirties. While we weren’t super-close to them, I feel like we got closer through Mike’s illness and death. They visited him in the hospital several times and were great at chatting with Mike and making him laugh. Starting in September, inspired by the eclectic mix of people who gathered at Mike’s “shiva” they began to host biweekly dinner parties to bring together various people in their lives who otherwise wouldn’t get together.
I hate that this has happened. I know I can’t help him. He has to walk this walk just as I have. As the gentleman on the radio show I called into said, “This grief is yours and yours alone to bear.” True.
But, seeing this has shown me how far I have come in 3 and a half months. I’m in a different place. And, it does get easier in the day to day. Now I feel like I owe it to my friend to keep moving ahead. It’s his turn to start down this path. He’s just entering the tunnel. I’m in it and need to keep walking forward to come out the other end.
After I dropped groceries off at his house yesterday, I stopped at Disc Makers. I brought the art department some cookies and brownies and picked up Mike’s things. I hadn’t found a time when it felt right to pick up the 3 big boxes of stuff. But yesterday was right. I brought the boxes home and unpacked them. I also took some of the pieces of artwork that Mike had hanging in his office and hung them in our house – in place of some of the many photos of Mike and me that were e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. No, I didn’t take down all of them – just a few. And it wasn’t like an event or something. It just felt right to sort of take some of them down and hang new prints in their place.
Anyway, my friend will be fine. He’s strong and positive and irreverent. The key qualities to any successful career in grief.