Monday October 23, 2006 12:30 am

It's way too late to be writing.

"Smoosher!... time FO' BED!" I can hear him chastising me.

I have a throbbing headache and feel like shit. Lots of crying today. First day in a while that I've been "in it."

Tonight was Philly's Barrymore awards to honor Philadelphia Theater. it's like the Tony's ... but in Philly. ComedySportz was recognized with an honorary award for the 15 years of on-going performances every Saturday night. It was a beautiful thing to receive.

What sucked was that immediately after our acceptance speech, the show went into their "tribute to those who we've lost in the past year." and the fucking montage started with Mike. Not only that, but they had some guy singing some really sad song to accompany the freaking montage. Fucking A, right? So, I'm backstage with the CSz owners, looking at the projection screen from the wings and the whole thing was surreal.

You know when you watch the oscars and they do that long-ass montage tribute to people who have died. You know... OLD people... who had long careers. Old famous people. Not your husband. Not the person who you snuggle with in the middle of the night when it's too cold. Not your son's father. Not your smoosher who would call to let you know he'd be a little late coming home from work cause he was going to get the old changed in his 96 Saturn.

It was all just too much. Mary Carpenter stood with me as I lost my shit in the bathroom.

Thank gosh for the people who hold me up. Without them, I would most certainly fall down.


CSM said...

as one of those people who hold you up from time to time, i'd like to also thank YOU for holding US up. don't forget that you do for us just as much as we may do for you. take comfort in that. xo, susan

Jalena said...

Susan is right. While they didnt end up knowing Mike on the same level as you did, some of them knew him longer and he apparently was very close and very loyal to his friendships. So, this is going to be a two way street, with each side being level in the missing of Mike, albeit in different ways. Different kind of closeness but closenes nevertheless. You are all in this thing together and it is great that you have one another when the down times occur. I'm glad to see that not every day is a downer for you. I know Mike wouldnt want that for the love of his life and his child. Still, human nature being what it is, we do have to do our share of grieving in whatever way we have to do it. In some ways, each day gets a little easier, in some ways, it actually gets worse until enough time has passed for our hearts to begin to heal. I am hoping for a full healing for you all. That doesnt mean that you will forget or not miss, that just means that you will be able to get up and just know that Mike was incredible and made his lasting mark on this world and you were blessed to be a part of his life in whatever way you were included.
My best thoughts go to you all.

Anonymous said...

Hey Danna,
Bax looked so cute in his costume. You are getting stronger, one day at a time. Keep it going and remember that we are all pulling for you.