Sunday, August 27, 2006 - the big day!

Today's the big day. I'm surprisingly calm.

But, this whole past week I have been a little nuts. I am realizing that once the celebration is over, I have no more Mike-related planning to do. I also have this bizarre feeling that once the celebration's over, life will return to "normal" - meaning Mike back at home with Bax and me ready to move forward on our path together. But, you know what? Not so much. When the celebration is over, all the friends and family leave and Bax and I return home sans Mike. Still.

I received a beautiful book from our funeral director, Randy, about grieving the loss of a partner. It talks about most of the feelings that I've been having. It's odd that something so unfathomable is actually fairly predictable in terms of the havoc it wreaks.

I had the thought the other morning, that as unique as my situation seems right now, all the couples we know - assuming they stay in love and together for years and years - will go through the experience of one person grieving the loss of the other. It's just a fact.

So, I'm reading this book and it talks about the slow disappearance of the couples that used to be in your inner circle. Mainly because, people are uncomfortable with grief, people don't understand grief, and quite frankly, the widowed person is sort of a drag. I would like to think that that will not be my situation. But, then, my friend Cara suggested that it's possible that I may change. I may not want to be surrounded by all the baggage that comes with hanging out with all our couple friends. I sure hope not. Most of them were right there with us through the shit. I feel like because we went through it together (thanks in large part to the blog) that people do get it. They will be there and I will want to surround myself with them.

I had vivid dreams last night - the kind that crack Meh up for their obviousness. First, I was being trampled by elephants. Huge elephants with flat feet each about two feet in diameter. When I finally escaped through a doorway, some of my family members were just sitting there watching tv. When I tried to explain what happened, they sort of shrugged it off. "Well, you're fine now, so relax. " I freaked out. screamed and screamed and gave an aggressive middle finger to everyone in the room.

I then dreamt that I was back on my undergrad college campus (Univ of New Hampshire) as a single mom with Baxter. I was trying to figure out how to take care of him and raise him in my studio apartment while taking 4 classes and having no income.

Oy. That's all for now. I hope you enjoy tonight's show as much as I've enjoyed putting it together.

love to you all,

PS: There will be a donation table at the show, so if you are so inclined, you will have the opportunity (through cash or check) to donate to Jefferson, Baxter's education fund, or Comedysportz.

PPS: Attire for this evening: Whatever the hell you want. I'm dressing up, but that's because I'm thinking of it as my last date with Michael. I think most folks are doing upscale casual, but if you want to get gussied, I support that. Life is short. Do whatever makes you happy.


Anonymous said...

I know you will all have a good time. I going to miss a wonderful tribute. I wish I could be there, but my bedazzler is broken and I can't fancy up the boot on my foot!! Have fun and enjoy. laugh for me!!!!!

Love ya,


beth said...

I don't think ever, in a million years, you could become a drag.

See you tonight!



Anonymous said...

Hope it's a blast!!! :)

Anonymous said...

Yes it was a blast. Laughed till I cried and then cried some more. Thanks to all the performers and everyone who helped put together such a kick ass party for "the fans". Mike would have loved it from start to finsih. In fact, I'm sure he did.

We miss you MIke. You touched so many lives in so many ways. Most of all, you pushed us to be more than we thought we could be. thank you

Anonymous said...

I just got home from the best tribute show ever. It was amazing. I laughed and cried. You were so graceful and strong.
I loved the video clips of Mike and Baxter. He seemed like just an amazing person. I'm so glad I was able to attend tonight. Thank you! Mirka

cara said...

The show was brilliant! Thank you to everyone who put their hearts and their considerable talents into it.

And, I just want to clarify to all you fantastic married people -- I'm really not a misanthrope! I simply wanted to say that Danna's gut will always tell her what she needs.

This group of friends surrounding her, and filling up World Cafe Live last night, is nothing short of amazing.

Anonymous said...

Is there any way those of us who were not able to attend can view the show? :)

Don said...

The show was taped and from what I hear, will be available to buy on DVD.

I am sure Danna will post all that info here once she decompresses.

Anonymous said...

Had a wonderful time last night at the show. It was a pleasure to laugh and cry with you and all Mike's friends and family. You looked amazing keep your head up and if you need an ear I got two! love you.


Anonymous said...

thinking about you all day and hope you are surviving. xoxox, t

csm said...

In case folks are logging in to read comments...

i got to see Danna tonite (night after the big night) and other than being tired from a long day at UD-- she was still beaming... the smile on her face as she recounted the laughs, the performances, the hugs and tears... oh!!!! it was such a joy to see her smiling tonite... i feel so fortunate that I got to be a part of the evening last nite-- and even more fortunate to see her re-live it all tonite. i think the love in that room will energize and strengthen her for a long time to come... and i couldn't be happier for her...

what a wonderful, wonderful evening... and what wonderful, wonderful people you all are.

susan (csm)

Anonymous said...

yay thank you csm for posting so anyone who is checkin in can go to bed without lots of worry! -t

Anonymous said...

A more brilliant tribute to Mike, we could not imagine. We remain humbled by your strength, devotion and composure.

Anonymous said...

Hi all,
I just spoke briefly to Danna tonight and she wanted me to let everyone know that when she's NOT blogging, that's a good thing. She's up to her eyeballs preparing for her UDel class that starts tomorrow night, then she presents a paper at a local conference Thursday morning and Friday there's some reception thing she's going to --(I think that's what she said). Anyhow... she has a very busy week ahead and that's why she hasn't blogged since Sunday.

On another note, I wanted to send a great huge heartfelt thank you to everyone who was involved in putting together the Sunday night show and to the hundreds of people who attended. Through all your love and support for Danna and Mike, you all made it an amazing evening to always remember. I was so glad to finally meet so many of you. I love you all for loving my little sister at a time when I can't always be there. It really helps to know how many people care so very much. So, thank you.

Goodnight all - with love,
Jae-Jae (as Baxter says)

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