7.19.2006

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 - 1:22 am

Thank you all for your amazing support. For those of you worried about me, know that I am ok. I have been farther down this road than anyone for a long time. Yes, I feel empty. I feel sad to know that there no longer exists any flicker of a possibility that he could come back. - But I also feel an honest sense of relief for Michael. It's time for us to bring ourselves back prior to February 1, and start recalling images of floppy-haired Mike. Funny, energetic, smooshy Mike.

In the end, Mike made the call. It was possible that I was going to have to make an impossible decision a day or two from now, but Mike did it for us. In the middle of a situation with no autonomy, it brings me peace to know that in this, he was autonomous.

So, logisitcs - Rather than a funeral which seems completely inappropriate for someone as alive, funny, irreverent, and young as Mike, we are going to be throwing a huge fantastic show and party. I'm thinking about a month from now... More info to come.

In the meantime, I find comfort in the company of friends - hence the "stealing Shiva from the Jews." We had an open house tonight, with tons and tons of amazing friends and food and it was wonderful. We'll be having people over again Wed night and Thursday night from about 4 pm on. Please come over to our house - no advanced notice needed. I'd love to have you. So would Mike.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Danna & Baxter,
We are saddened by the news and want to send you our love and hugs. It was a joy for us to know Mike and know that he was your true love.
Love,
Judy & Wilt

Michaela said...

Danna,
As I can't be there for your co-opted shiva...I wanted to give you loves and kisses and fond memories long distance. You know my love for Mike, you, and that red headed child is ridiculous and unbounded. I will never forget the privelege of witnessing your family become a threesome and the love you and Mike shared over Baxter's birth. I will miss his smiles, hugs, and yes, even fish pies. I know you will survive this with elegance and humor and, if possible, an even greater love.
All my heart,
M.

Anonymous said...

Danna,

I have been thinking of you non-stop since I left the hospital yesterday. Michael and I are so full of grief at the loss of such a magnificent soul. I spent an hour last night going through pictures and found a bunch--some of zany, wacky Mike, one of a baby-faced 22-year-old Mike--just fantastic. Maybe we can donate them for the party? A Mike "Wall of Shame?"

We'll be there tonight--if there's any chance to post directions during the day, that'd be great. But no worries--we'll find you somehow.

love and blessings,
all the Hollingers (Megan, Michael, Jam and Willa)

Anonymous said...

We are so sorry for the loss of such a special,loving husband and father. I'm so glad you are surrounded by such loving friends and family right now and we send all our love, Aunt Mary Regina and Uncle Joe XO

Peter and Alex said...

We'll be there, after bedtime.

Anonymous said...

Danna,

We Love You.

Stephen.

Joy said...

Danna and Baxter,
We are sad to hear the news, but are glad to know that he is now in peace and not suffering anymore. Wish we could come up and be with you and everyone.

Love,
Joy, Nick, and kids

Anonymous said...

Dear Danna & Baxter,
I am so sorry for your incredible loss. Finally, the pain is over for him. Please know that you and Baxter are in my thoughts and prayers. I met Mike at a Csz exchange and I will never forget is brilliant ability to make people laugh, and his welcoming spirit. I feel honored to have shared the stage with such a wonderful performer. He will truly be missed...but I know that heaven must be rolling with laughter today while Mike teaches saints and angels how to play "185" and "What are you doing?"
I want to thank you for showing us how to be graceful in the face of such daunting circumstances. You are an inspiration.
May God bless you and Baxter through these difficult times.
Sincerely, CC @ Csz in DC
& St. David's, Ashburn

Ron said...

Danna and Baxter,
Erika and I are there in spirit and we send all our love from Texas. I hardly got a chance to know Mike, but it is so clear that his strength, humor, soul, and love continue to live through these pages and memories. I thank you Danna, for sharing with us all this wonderful human being.

Love,
Ron and Erika

Anonymous said...

Danna and Baxter,
Words cannot express how sorry we are for the loss of such an incredible husband, father and human being.

Please know that if you ever need to get away and take a break from the NJ/Phila world, you are more than welcome here in Napa for a wine-filled vacation and extended play date with us.

We are sending you hugs, kisses and all our love from CA.

Marlo, Peter, Ilenia & Elias

Anonymous said...

Danna,
We are so sad to hear of Mike's passing. You and Baxter remain in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
All our love,
Jason and Kristen Blackburn

Anonymous said...

It was fun in a sad, sweaty way eating pie, and brownies, and potato salad last night in Mike's kitchen. The pie was no way as good as Mike's crazy delicious pecan pie. (God, I hope that recipe is recorded somewhere besides his his poor invaded brain.) It seemed right to eat things that could maybe kill you (the potato salad did look like it had been out for awhile) and smoke cigarettes that we know can kill you and drink beers and wine in plastic cups, because while I have learned many things from this (about anatomy, community, advocating for a loved one...) what I've most learned is to enjoy what is right in front of you while it is there. The price for that lesson was too high but I am going to try like hell to remember it always because it seems the least I can do and it seems appropriate because Mike was such a loving, joy-spreading person. In fact there are a lot of great things to emulate in Mike. (I never once heard him talk ill of anyone.) I look forward to getting to a place where thoughts of Mike will be all wonderful funny good thoughts again without sadness the way he would want it. It will take time.

I also look forward to seeing which of Mike's talents and traits Baxter has inherited. I'm so grateful that not only will Mike live on in our hearts and heads, but in body in Baxter. Mike gave his boy a great set of DNA, and picked an excellent mother for him. It's not fair that he won't get to finish the job of raising him, but he gave him a beautiful start.

-HJC

Heide said...

Danna,

Please please PLEASE keep writing in the blog as you make plans and experience millions of emotions. I think I can speak for everyone that we want to know how you and Baxter are doing as you move forward from day to day.

Plus, if this blog is ever published, I think you (and Mike) would glad you continued your online journal writing of your story -- especially when Baxter is old enough to read it himself.

Heide

P.S. What a wonderful post, HJC. I feel the same but dont have the talent to write it so eloquantly.

csm said...

danna,

i am so fortunate to work with some very wonderful women here at VP. when i came in today, they all shared their sympathies with me and extended their heartfelt thoughts to you and Baxter... and they gave me a card with some very wonderful thoughts... one that i want to share here... it was written by Christa, who has an artistic spirit that Mike would have loved...

"In collecting dying leaves fallen to the ground, I have seen miraculous images, bursts of life and color completing the process that makes us all what we are."

Perhaps life imitating nature is what we have here.

Love,
Susan

Anonymous said...

Danna,
I feel honored to have had the opportunity to work with Mike. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Bax.
Irene

Susan Hutton DeAngelus said...

I too went through my photos and came up with some doozies - Halloween at Disc Makers. Plus some holiday shots as well. My heart goes out to you and Baxter. Francesca and I will see you tomorrow evening.

Geoff Landesberg ~ disc makers ~ said...

Michael always generously shared an excitement and an enthusiasm
for life and laughter.
Every interaction I had with Mike was characterized by his honesty,
empathy and sensitivity.
His artistic talent & creativity . . . obvious.

We, at work, will miss him dearly -
(so much damned fun to hang around with!)

Your blog is an amazing, personal, living document which will touch thousands of
people, around the world, in ways
we can only imagine.
Please find the courage
& strength to continue.

love and wishes for peace to you & Baxter -
as well as your extended family.

Geoff, Gail, Gavin & Griffin Landesberg